Be your own Relationship Coach:
Grow your Community

What I’ve learned…

That people grow through connecting with each other.

This weekend I joined an “Empathy” workshop in Oxford.

It was so enriching to share my life with others, and to hear about theirs.

In the past I thought I could “do it by myself”.

But now I see the huge difference relationships and community make. Just check this clip (cut off the end if you don’t want the ad)

Awesome, eh?

You can also find inspiration in books. This morning I was reading “Bird by Bird”, by Anne Lamott. I was touched by this passage, which reflects my experience over the weekend:

“Four people who met in one of my classes have now been meeting as a group for four years…. They’ve gone from being tense, slightly conceited, lonely people … to being very tender with one another.

They all look less slick and cool, because helping each other has made their hearts bigger. A big heart is both a clunky and delicate thing; it doesn’t protect itself and it doesn’t hide. It stands out, like a baby’s fontanel, where you can see the soul pulse through.” By Anne Lamott.

How do you nurture your relationships, and grow your community?

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based relationship coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Relationship Coach Marien

Photo by Adrian Salamandre

Be your own Relationship Coach: finding Love Starts with You

Looking for a partner?

Finding love starts with you. Now. Not when you become a “perfect” being – as this is unachievable and highly unlikeable! But when you can embrace the bits that are not so nice, then you become irresistibly attractive.

Because you like yourself.

This is how you can get started. Come up with 20 of each:

1- Things that are working in your life, and that you are happy about.

This is a great exercise to prove to yourself that you don’t depend on someone else to make you happy. In return, this “self sufficiency” makes you more attractive. No one likes to feel responsible for some else’s wellbeing.

2- Things you like about yourself: physically, mentally, things you’ve done that day, or in the past.

When you like yourself, and you are happy with what you have, you become attractive to others.

3- Things you’ve done and you’re not proud of. Find out why you did them – which need of yours were you trying to meet?

Realising how your actions are only strategies to meet your needs leads to self acceptance. Once you acknowledge and accept the “not-so-nice” parts of you, you’ll like yourself more, and as you like yourself more, others will like you too.

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based Life coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Life Coach Marien

Photo by Gareth Williams

Be your own Wellbeing Coach:
Energise Yourself

Are you giving more energy than you’re getting?

Be your own wellbeing coach: energise yourself

That’s what’s happening to me.

So I’m thinking of activities that give me joy, that are refreshing and energising.

This will become my new game. It’ll include two activities that are inspiring and fun, and two that involve the senses:

For example, 2 of these each day:

- Morning reading that inspires me
- Contact with nature: cycling/ woods

- Laughter: friends, movies, funny cartoons

And 2 of these:

- Aerobic exercise
- Be out in nature, soak it in
- Smell the roses/ use aromatherapy
- Music – find new tracks/ resuscitate old ones
- Tasting food/ cooking what I love – eg chicken & butternut squash

I know you may be thinking: “I don’t have time for this!” And you may well be right, or you may actually have time for more.

Also, even if you think you have no time, think about the long-term effect of regularly energising yourself: you’ll feel better, you’ll have more to give, the quality of what you do will improve, your body will be fitter, your mind will be clearer. So you may have less time to do other things, but it’ll be better quality time.

The plan above is my game. Your own game can be as challenging or as easy to play as you like. It can be as simple as “leave a minute in the morning to be silent and think about what I want”, or “I’ll have a vase with flowers in my office that I enjoy looking at every so often”.

It is you game. You set the rules. You decide what is necessary to “win”. But make sure you do win, and you have fun in the process.

What activities energise you and give you joy?

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based wellbeing coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Wellbeing Coach Marien

Be your own Life Coach:
Face your Insecurities

Last week a friend and I went to our first African drumming session. By then the group was well formed, and we both felt utterly lost.

Be your own life coach: face your insecurities

We spent most of the time looking confused, giggling nervously and trying to catch up.

Then I realised this was an opportunity to face my insecurities. I noticed how I was telling myself that “I was crap at drumming” (which is true) and “I looked like an idiot” (probably true too).

Noticing these thoughts helped me stay in the moment, keep going, and join the group when I could. More importantly, it helped me BE with myself and my imperfections, look at them in the eye without judgement. How freeing!

What helps you face your insecurities?

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based Life coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Life Coach Marien

Photo by Hoch Sollst Du Leben

Be your own Spiritual Coach:
How do you Stay Present?

Today I’ve started re-reading the book “present moment awareness” by Shannon Duncan.

Be your own spiritual coach: how do you stay present

It has reminded me of the key role this plays in my well-being AND in my life coaching practice. It is vital.

So I’d like to prioritise it in my life. But why?

- To enjoy each moment more
- To have more balance in life, even when it gets hectic
- To get more focus.

 And also…

- To worry less – about the future and past
- To be safer – as a cyclist, pedestrian, car driver
- To take my life coaching to the next level.

At the moment I spend most of the time in the past or the future. Time spent thinking about the past is wasted, unless it’s dedicated time for reflection and learning.

Planning for the future is important but unproductive when it’s getting on the way of the present.

In order to live in the present I need dedicated planning and reflection time. This is what I’ll do:

- A notebook or similar that I carry with me to capture important thoughts/ideas. These could be reflections about the past, or future plans.
- A daily reminder of the principles of staying present and the importance of keeping it up. This could involve reading a section of the book in the morning
- Meeting and chatting with people who practice present moment awareness.

Another great source of inspiration is the book “The Power of Now”, by Eckhart Tolle. It is rich and not a book to read fast. Take your time, savour every insight, every thought. This is by far my favourite book out of all those he’s written.

But more important is to find a way that works for you, that you like, and you are happy to stick to.

What’s your method to stay present?

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based spiritual coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Spiritual Coach Marien

Be your own Success Coach,
and Enjoy the Process

What I’ve learned…

Be your own success coach, and enjoy the process

That if I really want to succeed in something  I have to  find the way to keep investing on it, and enjoy the process. Otherwise, on will power alone, I’ll give up.

An example is this blog. I initially thought of having a blog a year ago. Started writing posts and reading about blogging. Initially the motivation to share what I knew was enough to power up my writing.

But after a while it wore off. It became a chore rather than a joy.

This time around, the basis of the blog is my personal development quest. And how that may relate to your own personal development.  It’s about how we can learn from each other, and about being authentic. That is quite a different perspective to the same activity. But this one is fun.

What are you trying to achive in your life? How much are you enjoying the process to get there?

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based success coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Success Coach Marien

Be your own Personal Life Coach:
Believe in Yourself

It’s time to stop believing other’s opinions about me.

Be your own personal life coach

Why do I go around in life just listening to others? And just taking what they give me?

For example, yesterday a close friend said: “you don’t care about me”. Now, this pressed my buttons, because:

1- Part of me was afraid that she may be right, because I don’t do everything she expects me to do

2- I didn’t know what to answer – thought I was being accused

3- I DO KNOW that I care about her, even if I don’t do everything she wants. To me, saying no to her does not mean not caring.

Next time, when someone says “you don’t care about me”,  I would like to ask what specifically I have done that makes them say that. What is it that they need from me that they are not getting. Rather than just take their statement and believe it.

Then I’ll listen with curiousity, without jumping into conclusions like “I’m not a good friend”. That’s a label I’m putting on myself. It’s taking their comments and believing them without further analysis or consideration. Who knows, maybe they’ve got a point, and their feedback is genuinely valuable.

So far I’ve been too reactive to stand back and listen. Other times I’ve been afraid to find out more in case I open a can of worms.

What’s your view on this topic? Do you find yourself just believing other’s opinions about you?

Marien

Oxford-based personal life coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact me.

Be your own Life Coach:
Face your Dragons

I’m inspired by Eckhart Tolle.  Particularly the concept of living in the present moment.  

Be your own life coach: face your dragons

 After practicing this for a while I can notice my own destructive thinking.  And there’s still plenty of it! Particularly comparisons, envy, and “clever tactics”. So I’m trying to observe these happening and not react to them. Otherwise I end up blaming myself for having them, rather than celebrating the new awareness.

I’ve noticed that when I pay attention to these thoughts and just observe them, they lose their intensity. It’s like facing the monster in a nightmare – the monster disappears, and so does the fear.

I guess this is what M meant when she told me “to become a Masterful Life Coach you before need to become a Masterful Human Being –and for that you’ll have to face your dragons” and accept them as part of your human nature (this is my bit). Then change will happen naturally.

How do you deal with your dragons?

Hi! I’m Marien, Oxford-based Life coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact Life Coach Marien

Picture by Fergus Ray Murray

Be your own Results Coach:
Strategy to Achieve your Goals

So what am I going to do this time? How will I ensure I keep writing on this Blog, for six months? Particularly when it gets tough?

Be your own Results Coach - part2

I’ll make it into a game.

First I need to know how to win.

What does winning look like in this game?

- Post 2 blogs/month
- For 6 months

What are the rules of this game? The blog has got to be:

- Authentic
- Useful
- Simple

What plan can I come up with to ensure I win?

What’s my daily action plan? This is the daily routine that I know, if I stick to it, I’ll win this game.

Productivity Actions

- Read blogging book – 1 hr
- Research blogs – 1hr
- Write – ½ hr
- Sort blogs – 1hr

Self-care Actions

- Yoga – 15 min minimum
- Meditation – morning and evening
- Exercise – 15 min

Sorted!

What’s your strategy to ensure you stick to your goals and get results?

Marien

ps – to find out more about this strategy, read How to Achieve your Goals and find Success

Oxford-based results coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact me.

Be your own Life Coach: Remove the Mask

I just realised how much editing I do.

Be your own Life Coach: remove the mask

 It happens in my head as I write. But writing this journal is different. When here I keep editing to a minimum, as the nature of a journal is to record our un-edited thoughts. And you know what? It’s easier, and at times even better, than other writing I do.

That’s because it’s authentic. When I change it I destroy its soul. I strip its beauty from it because I’m afraid.

Afraid it won’t be good enough.

 
And that is what we do in life too. In our interactions with others we worry about how we may come across, so we “edit” ourselves. We put on a mask that we think is prettier than we are.

But going around with that mask on takes a lot of energy. Like with writing, when we let it flow it gets easier. It’s more authentic, more likeable, more you.

What editing do you do? Who is the authentic you?

Hi! I’m Marien: Oxford-based Life coach, leadership skills trainer, devoted wife. If you want to reduce me to a sound bite: I release human potential, one person at a time. Contact me.

photo by Riccardo-Cuppini