Testimonials
 "I have worked with Marien in her professional capacity as a personal and group coach for more than two years. I am always impressed with the way in which she 'tunes in' to people, whether when working with a group or coaching an individual client. She is highly empathetic and very quickly grasps the fundamental issues which is particularly liberating during coaching sessions. Her penetrating analysis and excellent communication skills enable her clients to explore options and solutions specific to their own situation, empowering them to make effective personal and professional decisions. Her fresh approach to group coaching is particularly attractive as it offers all the benefits of 1to1 coaching, but at a reasonable cost, with the added benefit of group interaction between like minded people. She is a pleasure to work with!" Carolyn Davies, Director at "Acting for Change", Oxford, Oxfordshire, UK "Marien has a brilliant ability to support and guide individuals through a process of change. I have witnessed her coaching skills first hand and she is able to combine warmth and empathy with insight and professionalism. This is a rare combination, and I would encourage anybody who may be thinking of coaching to put Marien at the top of their list." Peter Delves, Director at "Peter Delves Associates", Kenilworth, Coventry, UK"I felt wonderfully supported and very safe, it has been a really distressing place for me to be in and you handled it beautifully..."John
"I found the one-to-one very helpful. It provided great feedback, the one you normally don't get"Gavin
"Really positive and constructive! Thank you so much"Andy
"I enjoyed everything!"Bob
"The coaching is excellent. I feel so much better about myself and take a lot with me"Angie
"The coaching was superb. I learnt a lot about myself and it'll help me on the day-to-day"David
"I have already implemented many of the strategies with much success"John
"I loved the way Marien tailored the programme to my needs"Kirsten
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Check it out for yourself. Contact Marien Perez at Coach You to find out more.
FREE PERSONAL COACHING RESOURCES
Life Coaching Report
The 7 Costly Mistakes People Make When Hiring a Coach
1 Not checking your coach's credentials and experience.
There are a lot of people on the market calling themselves coaches. A coach's education varies greatly, from 1-2 days of training in some sunny tropical location, to veteran coaches with years of experience, classes, practicals and mentoring.
In order to ensure the reputability of your coach, you will want to find a professional that has been accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF), or at least someone who has completed training at an accredited school. A formal qualification from a recognized institution such as Coach U or the Coach Training Institute means that the coach has received the appropriate training.
Certifications by the ICF mean that the coach has logged a significant number of hours of professional coaching. Simply put, long term education from accredited coaching schools and experience in the field are the best indicators of the level of professionalism and commitment from a coach.
About the International Coach Federation:
The ICF is the leading global organization for coaches. It is dedicated to setting high ethical standards for the coaching profession and providing independent certification. The ICF is the only organization that awards a global credential for coaches.
Coaches with an ICF credential have gone through extensive coach-specific training and experience with clients, and have demonstrated a working knowledge of the ICF Competencies and Code of Ethics. For more information about the ICF, visit www.coachfederation.org
2 Not trying an introductory session.
Not having an introductory conversation with your coach before you embark on a longer term relationship is a big mistake. Coaching is a partnership between two people. Would you pick a partner without talking to them first? The more trust and rapport you have with your coach, the more you are likely to gain from your coaching.
First make sure you check the their website thoroughly - this will already give you an insight into their style and personality. Then use the introductory session to test the relationship.
Be wary of:
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A coach that talks most of the time - this is a sign of a lack of understanding of what coaching is about.
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A coach who keeps giving solutions and opinions, especially without your consent.
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A coach who doesn't give you clear, challenging, honest feedback.
Before you leave the introductory session, make sure you're clear about:
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Payment and fees
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Confidentiality
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Contracts or agreements
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Termination of coaching
3 Confusing coaching with consulting.
A consultant gives answers, a coach asks questions, listens deeply, and provides feedback. Occasionally a coach will give you their opinion, or make a suggestion, but only with your permission.
What makes coaching so effective, is that it empowers you. It does so by helping you find your own answers and becoming aware about how you think, learn and function best. When a coach gives you the solution, they are not helping you become independent. Ideally, with coaching, you leave the relationship relying on your own resources. There is nothing more empowering than that.
4 Confusing coaching with therapy.
Coaching is about the present and the future. Therapy is often about the past. Coaching relies on the principle that we don't move forward by looking backwards. Sometimes, though, therapy is more appropriate.
How do you know if you need therapy?
Are you experiencing:
- Continuous depression or intense sadness
- Frequent irritability
- Persistent feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or helplessness
- Significant changes in sleeping or appetite
- Significant decrease in motivation or interest in life
- Frequent angry outbursts
- Panic attacks
- Significant difficulty leaving the house or completing everyday tasks
- Intense fears or phobias
- Unresolved grief
- Nightmares or flashbacks of traumatic events
If you ticked one or more of these, then coaching is not the best choice for you right now, therapy may be a better option.
Once the past issues have been cleared, a coach can help you towards the future you want for yourself.
5 Regarding telephone coaching as less effective than face to face.
This is a common mistake. Although some people do need to see their coaches, telephone coaching can work as well or even better than face to face coaching. This is because some coaches have been trained to hear fine changes in your voice. As they can focus all their attention on your voice, they'll gather as much or more through the telephone than face to face.
Also, some people enjoy the anonymity that talking on the phone gives them, and the convenience of being able to be coached from the comfort of their home.
6 Underestimating the power of group coaching.
Of course, there are times when we don't want others to hear what we tell our coach. But, if you don't have a problem sharing with a group, group coaching can be extremely effective. With group coaching you will get the support of other participants as well as your coach, and you'll save money. You will also learn from others, make friends, and enjoy camaraderie with your fellow participants.
7 Thinking coaching costs too much.
When people say coaching is expensive, I ask them:
"What's the cost of not doing anything?"
"How much is what you want in life worth to you?"
And most importantly:
"How can we establish you are getting more than your money's worth in your coaching sessions?"
Then we work towards that.
These days we think of investments as having to be for material things. Material possessions come and go. An investment in yourself is priceless and lasts a lifetime. No recession, no bankruptcy, no one, can take that away from you. And with coaching, many people report higher incomes as a result.
In short:
"If a man empties his purse into his Mind, His Mind will fill his Wallet" Benjamin Franklin
Of course, coaching would be too expensive if you didn't work with a highly trained coach that matches your needs. If you follow this guide though, that won't happen!
Questions to ask your prospective coach:
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Who do you primarily work with? Do you have a specialism?
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How do you conduct your coaching? Face to face? Over the telephone?
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Where did you do your coaching training?
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What did it involve?
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For how long have you been coaching? Was that full or part time?
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Have you been accredited by the ICF? What's your accreditation?
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What are your fees? When are payments due? How can I pay you?
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What's included in the price?
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What about confidentiality?
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Do I need to sign any contracts or agreements? If so, can you send them to me in advance?
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If I'm not happy, how do I terminate the coaching?
If you would like to learn more about how to choose a life coach, feel free to call me, Personal Coach Marien Perez on 01865 751 432. I'll be happy to answer your questions and give you a free, no obligation, coaching demonstration. Or if you prefer, you can email me.
Life Coaching Articles
4 Simple Steps to Re-Energise Your Life
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Are you feeling like your life needs recharging?
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Are your daily tasks, duties and to-do list holding you back, keeping you from doing what you really want?
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Do you think you could be more successful if only you could free up time and space in your life?
If yes, then your tolerations may be ruling you and your time. Tolerations, as defined by Thomas Leonard in "The Portable Coach", are "The things that bug us, that sap our energy, that could be eliminated from our lives".
They hold us back, keep us stuck, irritate us, and keep us spinning our wheels.
Removing what you are tolerating in life is a powerful process and the key for you to get your focus back, and free up time and energy for yourself.
If you are ready to clear out your tolerations then follow these 4 steps.
Step 1: Take an inventory of your tolerations
What are you tolerating in your life? What's making you suffer?
List everything you can think of that you have been tolerating. For example you could be tolerating:
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A garage full of clutter
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An uncomfortable working chair
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People asking you to do things all the time
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Sitting in traffic 2 hours a day
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Spending too many hours at the office
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People that don't clean up after themselves
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A fridge that's too small
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Not enjoying your job
You may find that your list is quite long, and that's actually good. The more detailed your list, the more you can get to the heart of your frustrations and what you need to get rid of in your life.
Step 2: Identify the benefits and consequences of your tolerations
Now take the tolerations you listed one at a time and ask yourself:
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How are you benefiting from allowing this toleration to be part of your life?
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If you believe you are benefiting from this toleration, how else can you get the same benefits? Come up with as many alternatives as you can. Even if they sound unrealistic at the moment. You can sort them out later.
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Are the positive effects of this toleration substantial? Is keeping this toleration in your life an avoidance mechanism? What is it helping you avoid? Is it worth it?
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What is it costing you not to do anything?
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Are you ready to act?
Step 3: Zap your tolerations
You don't have to live with your tolerations. Now that you have a list and you have delved deeper into what each of them means to you, you can start coming up with ways to reduce the impact they are having and zap them away.
Start by putting a system in place. For example, if you find you're doing more than your fair-share at work, you may:
1- First find out exactly what is your job specification.
2- Note where are the discrepancies between what you are employed to do, and what you are actually doing. Note down dates, times and extra tasks you've been doing.
3- Finally, arrange a meeting with your boss. Discuss the implications of you taking on more work (ie longer working hours/ inability to complete tasks on time). Come up with an arrangement that suits you and the company. This may involve being paid for the extra time you're putting in, or recruiting an assistant for you.
Dealing with your tolerations is not always easy. That's probably why they are still around. You can get the right support by working with a life coach, as this is an effective way to develop your confidence, communication and assertiveness skills.
Step 4: If you can't change it, accept it
You won't be able to rid yourself of all of your tolerations right away. Choose what you'd like to accept, simply because it's not feasible for you to deal with it right now. Maybe you still don't like it, but you decide to live with it for the time being.
And, because you have made a choice to accept this situation rather than feeling it has been imposed on you, it becomes your own will, and it is no longer a toleration.
By following these 4 steps you will start to become free of what is holding you back. Through this process you will notice yourself beginning to feel lighter, more focused, and energised in your everyday life.
Get in touch
If you have any questions along the way, or would like to start to free up your time and your life, contact me for a free consultation Marien Perez, Life Coach and founder of Coach You Ltd.
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LIFE COACHING SERIES
Eradicate your Limiting Beliefs in 7 Steps
Steps 1 & 2
The beliefs that you have about yourself are powerful. They influence and mould your behaviour. They work either positively, motivating you to work harder towards your dreams, success, and positive change, or negatively by limiting you and the opportunity to realise your goals.
In life coaching, the negative beliefs that keep you from your success and positive change are called limiting beliefs.
By the age of eight, most beliefs are formed by a combination of our own thoughts and by the influence of people around us, like our parents and siblings. As young children, we learn to accept the comments and opinions of others as facts, rather than questioning or disputing them. When we internalise them, they become our own perception of ourselves.
By following the 7 simple steps in this series of articles you can get rid of your limiting beliefs and open up to positive change in life.
Hannah's story
Hannah, an intelligent student, was at a crossroads in her life. From a young age she watched as the people closest to her struggled in life, failing in business, losing jobs and generally living unhappily. The messages she'd get from them were negative and implied she would not achieve much in her own life. She believed them.
Now, Hannah is struggling with her confidence and self esteem. She wonders if she is smart enough, and often thinks she is not. Following through with her dream to become a medical doctor is a real challenge. Deep down she listens to the voice that tells her she can't succeed, that she will fail if she tries. So why bother?
Does this story sound familiar? It might not be the same as yours, but you may find yourself in a similar situation. Hannah can change her beliefs, just like you can, however negative and hindering they may seem. You just need the tools and support to get you started.
Start changing your negative beliefs today
To get started, begin by listening to the voice inside you, listening for any negative messages you give yourself throughout the day. Listen to the internal dialogue, the tapes that play over and over in your head. You may hear yourself say things like:
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"I have to work hard to get on in life, I can't do what I really want and enjoy and make a living" or
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"people can't be trusted" or
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"I'm not good enough to succeed in my job"
Write them down.
Step 1 - Find the positive intention
What is the positive intention of your belief? For example, if you believe you are not good at presentations, you may work harder and prepare better, which you know helps you.
Acknowledging the positive intention behind your beliefs leads to acceptance. This is the first step to letting go of the beliefs that are getting in your way. Once you've accepted the way you are thinking you will stop fighting against yourself.
Step 2 - Identify the consequences of your limiting beliefs
What are the consequences of your limiting beliefs?
Will you miss out on having a balanced life, enjoying freedom and finding joy in what you do?
Will you pass on a successful career, and the quality of life that would bring to you?
Start with the first 2 steps. Reflect and notice the shifts in your thinking. Then take a look at part 2 of the "Eradicate you Limiting Beliefs in 7 Easy Steps" series.
Get in touch
If you have any questions along the way or would like to start getting in control of your beliefs, contact Marien Perez, principal life coach at Coach You Ltd. for a free coaching consultation.
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LIFE COACHING SERIES
Eradicate your Limiting Beliefs in 7 Steps
Steps 3, 4 & 5
Are you letting your past predict your future?
In life coaching, the negative beliefs that keep us from success and positive change in life are called limiting beliefs. They seem reality in our minds, so the key to positive change is to challenge them at the core.
This second part of the "Limiting Beliefs Series", steps 3, 4, & 5 will take you further into getting rid of what doesn't help you, and continue making positive and lasting change in your life.
Step 3 - Find the exception
What is the exception to this limiting belief?
For example, if the you are thinking you can't make clear, concise presentations, because the last time you tried you couldn't get your message across...
When have you been able to get your message across? When you were in school, with a group of friends, or with your family in that first man speech?
The more examples you find the better. What you are doing is invalidating the negative belief by challenging it, and finding proof to build on a positive belief. More about this below.
Step 4 - Stick to the facts
How do you know this belief is true? Where is the proof?
What are the facts behind that belief? You'll often find there are far less than you initially thought. Or, the ones you think are facts are rather assumptions, or even somebody else's opinions - often from your close family or friends.
Step 5 - Generalise
What if everyone that ever failed in a presentation stopped talking in public? Or what if everyone that wanted to run a marathon wouldn't do it because of one bad run?
This question gets you "outside yourself", and as you apply what you are telling yourself to others, you realise it doesn't make sense. You realise that your beliefs are not rational. You break them apart, and disarm them - so they lose their power over you.
Get in touch
Contact Marien Perez, principal life coach at Coach You, to find out more about creating the beliefs to propel you forward in your life, or to start making the changes you want.
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Eradicate your Limiting Beliefs in 7 Steps
Steps 6 & 7
Your beliefs are like an old VHF tape. If you let them, they will play over and over again in your head. If the beliefs are good for you, keep them: they'll help you. If they are limiting you, you can re-record them with something else that works better. Once you understand how your belief system works, you can use this to change your life for the better.
In life coaching, the beliefs that keep you from success and positive change are called limiting beliefs.
These are the final steps that will help you eradicate your limiting beliefs. You'll be identifying the underlying assumptions and replacing your old beliefs with new, fresh, positive ones that help you.
First choose the belief you want to start working with.
For example "I can't be a public speaker because I gave a shaky speech"
Step 6 - Attack the underlying assumption behind your belief
What are the assumptions behind your limiting belief? For the example above, the assumption is that giving a shaky speech means you can't become public speaker.
Does that follow?
Limiting beliefs are mostly based on assumptions. When you challenge them, and realise they are ruled by assumptions rather than facts, they will begin to crumble apart.
Step 7- Replace the limiting belief
When has your limiting belief been proven wrong? For example, when have you learnt easily and effortlessly? When have you run a good race or given a powerful public presentation? List all of the times you have succeeded, including things you might not think are significant. Be specific and keep adding to this list on a daily basis.
The resulting list will be the proof to your "positive belief". The more facts you accumulate, the stronger the new belief will become and the stronger you will feel.
You are the one in control of making the new recording on your VHF tape. You'll need these new beliefs in order to get rid of the old ones. It's much easier to replace something you don't like if you can put something else in its place. A vacuum attracts whatever is near it: so better to choose what you'd like it to take and make it readily available.
If you follow these 7 steps you will be well on your way to eradicating your limiting beliefs. Work through the steps and they will work for you too - you'll be giving your confidence and self-esteem a boost. Go back and repeat the ones that work the best for you, or start from the beginning, and then, when you are ready...
...Get in touch
Call me on 01865 751 432 or email Marien Perez to discuss your new beliefs and the opportunities you'd like to create in your life.
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LIFE COACHING SERIES
Step #1 to Personal Success
What does success in life mean to you?
Does it mean getting a promotion, a nicer house, a medical degree, having a fulfilling career, becoming a member of the board, raising happy kids, having a rich family life?
Success means something different to each one of us. What makes you feel successful? What makes you get up in the morning and ready and excited to take on the day?
Step #1: Define it
What is your definition of success?
Take a few moments to note down a few words that would define success for you. Make sure you are not being influenced by what is regarded as successful by others: society, your network of friends or family - this is your unique description.
This process can take a while, as most people have not taken the time to think of the answer. So take your time, keep the question in mind, and keep adding to your list until you are satisfied.
Now read it aloud. How do you feel? Do you find yourself grinning, getting excited, inspired?
Or, are you feeling anxious and unsure?
This is a reliable and easy method to assess whether your definition is really what would make you feel successful, balanced, and happy in life.
If your emotional reaction to reading your list out loud is negative, this can be an indicator of a definition that doesn't suit you. Most likely it's driven by other's expectations, or your own expectations of what you "should" do. Rather than what you want to do. A life coach can help you clarify your mind and come up with a definition that suits you, so you are headed in the right direction as you make decisions in life.
Once you've got your definition, ask: "What will that give me?"
Then ask again: "And what will that give me?"
Keep going with this line of questioning, until there are no more answers left.
Whatever you've come up with, is at the core of your definition of life success. This is what drives you, what motivates you, what gives you purpose, what makes you get out of bed in the morning.
When you are clear about what is important to you, on your own terms, you will start noticing yourself becoming more balanced, motivated, inspired and ready to tackle each day.
Get in touch
If you'd like to explore new opportunities for you, your life, and future aspirations, contact me, Personal Life Coach Marien Perez. If you prefer you can call me direct on 01865 751 432
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LIFE COACHING SERIES
Step #2 to Personal Success
Paint the Picture
Imagine yourself already being successful.
Give your vision as much detail as possible. Paint the picture in full colour, rather than pencil strokes. Imagine all the fine details that you need for your success to come to life. Make it 3D.
Once you've got that clear image, use this visualisation on a daily basis. Try it in the morning before you get out of bed, when you are in what is called "Alpha State" - the stage between sleep and awake. At this time your brainwaves run at 8 to 12 Herz . In "Alpha State" your brain is in the ideal state for learning. In this state, your brain can't differentiate reality from fiction. So you are virtually creating a memory of what you want. You are setting yourself to make it happen.
To make this process more effective, engage your senses:
- What sounds, voices and conversations do you hear? Make these as clear a s possible.
- What does it feel like? Identify they feeling and try to re-create it.
If you feel joy while focusing on the visualisation inmerse yourself in this happiness. You can summon up all the senses and your feelings and by linking them together, your visualisation becomes more powerful. It becomes real for your unconscious mind.
Example #1: Sarah's Vision
For Sarah success means having a profitable consulting business that will give her recognition, financial security and freedom. By having her own business she will be learning new skills, have a flexible schedule, and more time with her family.
Sarah identified her success in detail and has started using Success Step No. 2 by "painting the picture" in her head. On a daily basis she envisions what her success looks like, sounds like, and feels like. Every morning before getting out of bed, and every night before going to sleep, she visualises her new business and career.
Sarah sees herself working with clients, hearing the conversations they have, and fully experiencing and rejoicing in her feelings of having achieved her dream. Sarah also envisions herself enjoying more time with her family and feels the joy of being present for them more.
Example #2: Gianni's Picture
Gianni preferred a different approach. He started literally painting on a canvas what success meant to him. He worked on his creation for a while in the evenings and on Saturday mornings. He then put up the picture in his office: a constant reminder of where he wanted to go. This helped him feel motivated, even when he had to do boring tasks, because he could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Gianni's approach can also motivate you, remind you of the direction you want to follow, and help you choose the tasks that'll help you get there.
Both Sarah and Gianni's approaches are powerful catalysts for change. Choosing an approach depends on what works for you. Try the different approaches, or create your own - paint the picture, and see it happen.
Get in touch
Why not contact me, Personal Coach Marien Perez. Or if you prefer, you can call on 01865 751 432 for an informal chat about what you envision for your life.
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Expert Coaching: Life, Work, Career